I think I’ve rewritten this blog about five times trying to think of what I should write about today and how I should word it. Even deciding what I named this blog was hard…
Today was my follow up with my surgeon Mr Slade. I hadn’t slept and felt sick with worry the night before. Welled up several times this morning but then telling myself that I was probably getting over worried about it and I would leave feeling better. This wasn’t going to be today.
We all have our bad appointments, our crap appointments, our disappointing appointments and the shit appointments. You know the ones I mean. I haven’t stopped crying all day, I burst into tears in front of him and one of colorectal nurses, I cried down the corridor with my gran, welled up in the car, burst into tears when I got home and soaked my flatmates hoody (sorry), went to bed, got up and didn’t cry and then started crying all over again. Just rung round some family and was in a flood on the phone to my mum. Barely touched anything today, forced myself to eat some food and that was at a push.
I’ve redrafted this blog so many times, deciding what I write or how much detail I go in to and I’ve decided that the only thing I’m going to say is we’ve ran out of options. After being referred to more people I’ll then be being referred to St Mary’s hospital in London. I can’t help but fall apart today but sooner or later I’ll pick myself back up and soldier on. Will get back to working on this ridiculously hard essay tomorrow and see where the week takes me.